Sixteen.

Shit.Shit.Shit.

Today sucked. Beyond sucked.

I've eaten way too much
purged way too much. (Or tried. Nothing really came up today)
and have exercised way too little.

Wasn't I gonna Not eat today?
Yeah, well, that sure didn't happen.
I was eating a lot at work today.
I never really ate a full meal.
I just picked at everything. And I'm pretty positive that I've at least had 1500 calories. and it's only 6:00!

What. The. Fuck.

Where did the control go?
I had been doing so good.

Right now, I'm contemplating stuffing my face for the rest of the night.
I probably will. And then I'll purge everything. I'll purge until I can't get anything up.
And then I'll drink a nice cool glass of water, get ready for tomorrow, and I'll go to sleep.

Today definitely showed the bulimic side of me. Which is not good! I know how bad it is to purge. and I really don't want to. But I feel like if I eat everything tonight. I won't do it again tomorrow.

I hate myself so much right now.

Good news is, I went to the gym twice today. Bad news is, I still didn't exercise enough. I'm gonna go twice again tomorrow. With NO food. and ONLY water.

I need to be thin.

No more fat jiggly Isabella.

Time for a goal weight.

April 1st - 138lb


I know that to many of you that's huge.
It's huge to me too.
But it's a step.

If I make it, I'll give myself a reward. Which is to be decided.

I hope the rest of you are doing better than me.

Isabella.Inspired