Eleven.

Today was good day.
I very happy. I have no idea how, but all of the sudden I got good at restricting again.
After six months of not being able to stop shoving food in my throat. I'm back on track. I think it's because a bunch of co-workers are on diets, and they talk about it a lot. And of course, being the way that I am, I have to out do them by eating less. Way less. I want them to notice me skipping lunch and not finishing my already tiny salad. This is great. 100lbs here I come.

I my intake for the day was 1cup of salad with about 1/2 tbsp of honey mustard dressing and 3 cucumber slices.
1 banana
and I c&s'd a mini bagel.

Yes, I chew and spit.
When I was at my lowest weight 7 months ago, I was restricting, purging, and chewing and spitting.
It's the only way to satisfy my cravings.
I don't eat when I'm hungry.
Usually I eat because I know that something tastes good.
So I can get the taste. and leave out the calories.

It's also a lot healthier then purging.

So obviously if I were to be classified.
I'm an EDNOS girl.
I'm not bulimic. And I dont have enough control to be considered anorexic.

I wish I could be called anorexic.
That's sick isn't it.

But once I can officially be classified as an anorexic, that will mean that I have done it.
That I have control.

Anyways, back to the C&S. I used to do it a lot. Then I stopped for a long time. And for the first time in 7 months I did it today. It was great. because then it feels like I'm still eating. And I don't have to worry about the weight gain.

So my calorie intake is at about 150 for the day.
The banana about 100
and I'm estimating 50 for the salad, only because of the dressing.

But the good news is I went to the gym for about 1 hour and 45 minutes.
I worked my arms.
And used the epileptic machine for a good 20 minutes which burnt 140 calories.

I'm contemplating whether or not I'm gonna eat some vegetable soup.
There's no fat in it and about 80 calories a cup.
I don't know if it's worth it.
I'm kinda hungry, but I'm also really enjoying the empty feeling. Tomorrow I'm going back to the gym. I don't know about my eating plan though. Because I have the day off so I'll be at home, meaning I'll be tempted with more food.

If I knew I could restrict tomorrow, I'd eat the soup without feeling guilty.
But what if I eat it tonight, and then eat tons more tomorrow? I could be skipping 80 calories.

Ugh. What kind of person puts this much thought into whether or not she's gonna eat a cup of soup?
Me. That's who. Because in my head, this is a very important decision which will effect the rest of the night as well as the entire day tomorrow.

Whatever, I'm not gonna eat it.


Isabella.Inspired