Twenty.

Well, whatever I'm doing, I seem to be doing right.
I haven't spent my whole day on the computer, or watching tv. I clean, and exercise.
And my eating is controlled.

I'm so happy. It's time to start watching the pounds melt away.
I need to figure out goal weights and rewards.
I don't feel like it right now,
but I'll figure it out.

I just want to be thin.
Like right now.
Many people at work say they're on diets
They say
"I want to do it the healthy way, a pound a week maybe."

You know what?
Fuck. That.
Fuck the "healthy weight"
I want this fat G-O-N-E!
I don't care if I screw up my metabolism.
I don't care if my hair falls out and my nails turn blue.
I'll do what every it takes to be thin.

I've always had a disoriented relationship with food,
and I know I always will.
I'm always gonna be unhappy with how I look.
But If I'm gonna be unhappy, I might as well be thin.

I get my car back sometime next week.
Then I can go back to the gym, everyday. Twice a day even.

As for now, I get to go to the gym 1-2 times a week.
But I've been jogging too.
I think I'm making progress.
I sure hope I am.

As long as I remain in control of what I eat,
it'll be okay.