Three.

Today...
Was horrible.

I ate way to much.
I don't understand why I feel like I need to eat all the time.

I think that I really need to go back to counting calories.
I was doing so much better when I used to do it.
Ugh.
I hate being fat.
It's the worst feeling in the world.
I think that things would be a lot better if I were thin.

I love that word. Thin.
The way it just rolls right off my tongue.
And the way the Nnn finishes it off just right.

So what's the plan form tomorrow?
I would say no eating.
But I dunno.

Okay. I got it.

20 bites of plain oatmeal when I get to work.
(I work at 6 in the morning. So it's my breakfast.)
Lettuce only salad on break.
Orange at 5:00
1 cup veggies at 7:00

and that's it.

Think I can stick to it?
I sure hope so.

I also hope to stick a work out in somewhere too.

I need some goal weights.

My final goal weight is 90.
By June 1st I would like to be 120 at the most.
By August 13th I want to be 100
By April 1st I would like to be 130


I need to make a plan.
and stick to it!


BlahBlahBlah.
I'm fat.


Isabella.Inspired

Two.

I want to eat.
I want to eat.
I want to eat.

This not eating business is harder than I remember.
I habitually go into the kitchen and stare into the refrigerator every hour or so until I remember that I'm not eating today.

I did indeed fail though.

I ate a banana and some pickle slices.


Gross? I know.

I'm trying to drink water though.


I decided that for a week or so, I'll either not eat, or eat fruits or vegetables.

No processed food, meat, dairy, or wheat.

I'll include oatmeal though.

I love oatmeal.


I'm vegetarian too. So meat is out of the question which is definitely nice.
I think I'm going to cute out milk, eggs, and cheese too.

That will definitely help a lot.

I just want to be thin..


Isabella.Inspired

One

Here we go again.
I just deleted all my previous post because it's time to start over.
After I broke up with Ana/Mia for approximately six months. I realized I'm not ready to be single again.
So were back together. And I'm determined to make our relationship stronger that ever.
After our break, I ballooned back up to a weight that I'm too embarrassed to post.
Maybe later I'll post it thought.

Anyways, I'm determined to lose weight again. I was doing so well before too.
I got down to 112. Then I went through A lot of problems.

I got in some legal trouble. Got depressed, started taking it out on my self. Left some physical and emotional scars on myself, got sent to an inpatient treatment center, learned nothing. Got sent to outpatient therapy. Learned a lot. Got healthy, decided I was getting wayyyy too fat.

So now everything I have done is going down the drain. Enough is enough. Time for a fresh start and to start losing weight again.

So here I go.


Today is a no eating day.
We'll see how that goes.
I've lost all my self control.
I need to learn how to say no.
The reason why I've gained weight is because everytime I see food that I want, I eat it.

I'll get better though. I also need to start exercising. I recently got my drivers license. (sixteen btw) So I want to get a membership at a gym soon. I need a car first. So that I can go there.

I also work as a waitress. The worst job a eating disordered person can have. Only because I'm around food all the time.
I see people eating it all the time.
So it makes me feels like it's okay for me to eat all the time too.

Well, it's not.

I also have a boyfriend who knows about my previous disordered eating habits. However, I'm going to break up with him. I love him of course, but I can't stand to be around him. He's been irritating me a lot recently. So since I'm in the mood for fresh starts. I made as well make that change too. I don't want a relationship. I just want some fun.

The problem with having an eating disorder this time around, is that because I had all these problems before, which supposedly got fixed. I have quite a few people who know what to watch for. But they all think I'm better. Nobody is suspecting anything. But I know that can change.
So I'll definitely have to be careful...

Anyways. That's about it for now.

I'll probably post later.

Isabella.Inspired